Divorce is a dirty word in our society, even with the thousands of people who get a divorce in this country every year. Although divorce can be a good or bad thing, depending on your position, the truth is that there are many misconceptions about this common practice.
Here are some myth busters to think about when considering divorce:
· "More men file for divorce than women." - This is actually false. In America, more than two thirds of divorces are filed by women. Studies show that in divorce cases more men typically have problems that are easily proven, and that women are usually the parent in which the court decides to give custody of the children to
· "Children involved in divorce cases have a stronger chance of recovery with their single parent plus a step parent." - Although it may be thought that children are more likely to do better with two parents, there is no evidence to support this claim. Step parents often lead to internal family problems, that are hard for all members to deal with
· "Because divorce is such a traumatic experience, second marriages generally have lower divorce rates." - Unfortunately this is not true. Although it seems logical that people would learn from their mistakes, in reality second marriages have a higher divorce rate. Researchers believe this is due to the fact that people involved in one divorce case do not always have a sense that marriage is a permanent situation, and therefore know how the process works, and take advantage of it
· "Have a kid will keep parents happier and make their relationship more permanent." - This myth probably came about when this was more likely. In the past few years, this has actually become less common. Parenting can be the very stress that pushes the two parents apart.
· "Children are better off with divorced parents, rather than parents continually fight and do not get along." - Children need their parents, and studies show that even if their parents fight, having both figures in their life can great affect the children in a positive way. Many parents use this as an excuse to justify their divorce.
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Divorce can be an expense undertaking and have serious emotional repercussions for all involved. If you would like more information about divorce, visit www.attorneysandlawyers4you.com today.
Joseph Devine
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I got a call from a girl friend a few nights ago who was completely beside herself. Jack, her husband had come home from work and announced over the salad at dinner that he didn't want to be in their marriage anymore. He suggested he would stay in the home through the holidays so the family wouldn't be upset by their upcoming separation this time of year and asked her to keep up appearances, especially around his family. Jack also suggested she might be the one to look for a place considering he was responsible for the bulk of making the house payment. Julianna was dumbstruck.
"I really didn't see this coming." She sobbed on the phone. "What the hell am I suppose to do now?" Frankly I have no idea how she didn't see it coming. Jack had been a walking text book of a man bored with his marriage for months. However, I remember being there. It's like watching a loved one die of terminal cancer over the course of several months and then being shocked when they pass - didn't see that coming! The shock itself is paralyzing. So, what is a woman to do when her husband says he wants a divorce?
1. Do not, under any circumstance, beg, plead, threaten, or freak out at him in anyway. You might simply tell him he's dropped a bomb on you and you can't possibly process it in the moment. It's too big, too confusing, and too important, sooooo you need to be alone. Then you walk away. If resources allow, you get a hotel for several days and leave the kids at home with him. "Mommy is going to the spa until Sunday." A lack of any real significant reaction on his part will be utterly confusing to him. If you've already freaked out, it's never too late to get suddenly calm. Get there. Now.
2. Immediately propose counseling. Chances are slim that he is going to jump at that notion. However, pitch the idea as a way to transition the relationship more easily. Tell him you want to remain friendly through all of this and you think some extra help with communication would be beneficial. Ask him to commit to a preset number of sessions, that way he won't feel this is a process without end. If he won't go - you go alone. Get to a qualified marriage counselor as soon as possible. One partner seeking professional help is way better than no partners. The guidance of a qualified professional can be like a flashlight in a coal mine.
3. Contact an attorney and let your husband know you are doing so. You may want to let the attorney know you want to save your marriage, but your husband has said he wants to leave. A good divorce attorney is a wealth of knowledge and experience. Also, as your husband sees you are taking charge of a bad situation, it's likely to cause him to pause.
4. Create a very small circle of support of your calmest, most level headed friends and family. Do not send out a press release. Do not activate the girl friend phone tree. The fewer people who are involved the more likely you will save your marriage. However, no one should have to go there alone. So, find those friends who sooth you and reach out.
5. Keep an open mind, a positive attitude, and stay with the facts. Do not let your imagination take you anywhere. Go immediately to the bookstore and buy, The Work, by Byron Katie, and The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Neither of these books is specifically about relationships, but is loaded with tools you will need to navigate the next few moments, days, weeks, and months.
Lisa Hayes is the author of HOW TO ESCAPE FROM RELATIONSHIP HELL. She is a mother of two, yoga instructor, hypnotherapist, and internet project manager. Lisa likes long walks on the beach and naps. You can contact her at http://www.escapefromrelationshiphell.com
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There are a lot of different things that you should consider when you are getting a divorce. Often this is difficult to do because emotions fly high. However, keeping yourself as grounded and rational as possible can serve you greatly during the divorce process. In fact, there are several different types of divorces which tend to create better post divorce situations for couples who are able to work together through the process.
One of the most common types of divorces is called mediated divorce. This involves the couple working with a mediator, generally a lawyer, to come to an agreement on every aspect of the divorce. Because both parties in the divorce are working toward the same goal, neither party draws the short end of the straw. In successful cases of mediated divorce, the couple comes to an agreement on the divorce. The mediator then takes the agreement to court, and it is generally granted very easily. This is why mediation is such a popular form of divorce.
Unfortunately, not every divorcing couple is capable of working together to complete the divorce process. In these cases, each party generally obtains their own legal representation to argue for them before the court. These are generally far more expensive and destructive cases of divorce. Instead of reaching an agreement, each party tries to find a way to get what they want. This often comes at the expense of the other party. While this can sound appealing to some people, it is not necessarily a good thing.
In cases where children and custody are involved, a messy divorce can cause a great deal of emotional stress on them. No child wants to see their parents divorce. It is even worse for them to see that divorce when there is fighting involved. Because of this, the court will generally rule on the divorce in a way that it sees fit to best benefit the child or children.
Uncontested divorces like mediation are the most popular types of divorce and tend to cause less emotional strain on those involved. However, there is always going to be some level of emotional stress in any divorce. These are difficult to go through, but are sometimes necessary.
If you would like to know more about the divorce process, you can click here.
Joseph Devine
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joseph_Devine
